I'm writing this blog to get a grip on what happened to me as a result of serious undiagnosed and untreated trauma.
- How did I end up even more hyper-vigilant after all these years?
- Is my array of chronic illnesses the result of unrelenting stress or the cause of more unrelenting stress?
- How do I turn this around?
Fear was an integral part of my life for as long as I can remember. These are the prominent traumas I've experienced.
- Living in an atmosphere of fear as a child.
- The scary man who stalked our neighborhood.
- A bird phobia, acquired at age 6 or 6, which put me in a cycle of repetitive fear and stress.
- The inappropriate advances of a neighbor at the age of 9 or 10. Just one time fortunately.
- Sexually assaulted by a stranger as a young adult.
- Hit full on by car while riding my bike in my mid-twenties.
- Being "retired" from a long term job, the passion of my life.
I'm a survivor. I always "managed" and functioned well. But I was always just barely holding myself together afraid that others would discover the real truth about me. I chose high stress jobs that kept me in the adrenalin loop and critical environments that feed the messages I had received as a child.
Eventually, my body fell apart. I always minimized the trauma. Now I understand it's been a critical factor in shaping who I am and how I got to this point. I'm ready to explore and heal the unresolved trauma.
This is primarily a personal blog. But perhaps it might be of some small help to someone else reclaiming their true self.
Feel free to leave a comment. I would love to hear from you.
